Tanner Kronshage: Profile of a newbie dodgeball referee

Tanner Kronshage took a shine to officiating the 2015 Dodgeball Tournament.

Tanner Kronshage took a shine to officiating the 2015 Dodgeball Tournament.

As he praises his own impressive authority and massive array of intangible qualities, New Berlin West’s finest dodge ball referee, Tanner Kronshage, finally speaks out. As it was his first year reffing the annual dodge ball tournament, Kronshage worked to battle his traumatic experience through strategic planning of when he should expose each of his various character flaws.

“Some gross hobby kids are into these days, questioning authority. It is a waste of time, however, as I am always right and have never made a bad call. If you disagree with me, you are wrong. It’s pretty simple if I do say so myself.” Kronshage reveals as he immediately rips apart the idea of anyone questioning a referee.

His answer was a bit shocking considering his somewhat aggressive background with other referees, particularly involved with the sport of basketball.  His occasional stubbornness and impatience is revealed right off the bat.

“Yes, I can get super, super excited because I love watching basketball. If refs do a terrible job such as blowing calls, then we definitely have a problem.”

After expressing his hatred for basketball refs in particular situations, he immediately defends his standing as a fellow ref and harshly adds, “No, I do not blow calls, nor do I ever plan to so don’t even ask that question.” Also, he adds, “My calls are as perfect as Morgan Freeman’s voice.”

Despite Kronshage’s confidence in his ability to make the correct calls, his first year reffing has forced him to consider visiting a psychologist to help him deal with his emotional angst.

“It seemed like people actually wanted to win. People yelled at me, and it was not very sportsmanlike. I don’t know when people started to enjoy competition, but whatever,” he explains.

However, he seemed to agree with the wide opinion that dodgeball is highly enjoyable. Kronshage shared facts about himself that may have one questioning his social life.

When asked what hobbies he enjoys outside of dodgeball, he answered, “What is a hobby?   I don’t have any hobbies. Dodgeball is life. It is all I know.”

Kronshage’s knowledge of dodgeball is also very impressive.

“Either you are hit and declared out, or you are not. I mean, it is common sense.”

The credit for the important set of rules was also awarded to Mrs. Hudaj and Callie Wessel. Kronshage and his crew did their best to fulfill the requirements.

“As the nice, ever-caring human beings that we are, we have an age-old love of drilling each other with objects, for some reason. Whatever this reason is, I happen to love it, as it makes the tourney something to look forward to.”

Kronshage’s enthusiasm for his position in life as a ref, his massive ego, and obvious superiority to the teams are what make him a great referee.

“It is not in my DNA to bow down to others, and my outstanding reffing will certainly prove that.”